“We married in January of 1972 and by December of 1974, we were divorced,” an older and wiser John Massey recalls.
“We were too young,” Debbie says, reflecting on those early days. “We weren’t prepared physically or emotionally for the obstacles we faced almost from the outset.”
John Massey and Debbie Edwards Massey talk candidly about their early years together and the life they have shared for nearly half a century.
Both John and Debbie attended Bloomfield High School. He graduated in 1970 and she in 1971.
“My initial reaction to him at school was that I didn’t like him,” Debbie recalls laughing. “I thought he was arrogant, and he always seemed to have a smirky, cocky look on his face.”
Debbie says she decided she could get past his attitude, though, when she saw him dance.
“Back then we would sometimes have sock hops in the gym after basketball games,” Debbie says. “I loved to dance, and when I saw his moves, I thought, ‘I like that!’” she chuckles.
Debbie goes on to say that to get to know him better, she decided she would invite John to the upcoming Sweetheart Dance, but was terrified he would turn her down.
Remembering their first conversation John relates, “Where I lived out in the country, we had a party line and didn’t receive a lot of telephone calls. One night the phone rang and this voice identified herself as Debbie. She invited me to the upcoming dance. I was pleasantly surprised, and agreed to go; however,” he laughs, “it was only after we were married that I found out it was her mother who had called me!”
“Because I wasn’t allowed to date, and John didn’t drive, we had to meet at the dance,” Debbie recalls.
John observes that from that point, they were pretty much a couple, and continued happily together throughout high school. Eight months after Debbie’s graduation they were married.
The newlyweds settled into a small, furnished apartment in Bloomfield, where John worked at Ford Tractor. Debbie took a job at FRAM in Dexter, a factory that made oil filters for automobiles.
“I was working for $2.33 an hour,” Debbie recalls, “which was one of the highest paying jobs in Stoddard County. We only had one car, so I drove to Dexter, and John walked down the street to get to his job.”
“We got along okay in those first months,” John says reflectively, “but then Michael was born in July, and our marriage started to crumble.”
Their son was born with multiple health issues, requiring that most of his first 18 months were spent in the hospital in St. Louis.
“Michael took all my time,” Debbie says somberly. “We didn’t know how to cope with what was happening to him, and to us.”
“Back then,” John observes, “there weren’t support groups for families facing major medical issues. Today, luckily, there are various resources available for a young couple. Sadly, we just fell apart.”
A bitter divorce
In November 1974, the couple signed their divorce papers, and the marriage was over.
“Our divorce was bitter,” John relates. “We were hurt and angry and had no idea how to channel those emotions.”
Debbie goes on to say, “We were mean to each other. We didn’t know how to talk about what had happened, and pushed each other away.”
In the ensuing years, John and Debbie built separate lives. John began working in the oil fields, and eventually found himself as an engineer in nuclear power plants. He traveled around the country, dated, and at one point was even engaged to be married.
Debbie, too, left Stoddard County and found work elsewhere. She built a life for Michael and herself, and continued to search for her soulmate. Like John, she became engaged, but eventually realized that person was not marriage material.
“Throughout our time apart,” observes Debbie, “the common link was Michael.”
“No matter how much we despised each other,” John reflects, “our love for Michael was unwavering.”
A family comes back together
At one point during their separation, the couple tried to reconcile. They moved in together, but did not marry. After a couple of stormy years, it was over again.
In 1984, John’s sister became ill and eventually passed away. John and his buddy Dennis King decided to move back to Missouri for jobs in the Cape Girardeau area. Debbie and Michael were living in Jefferson City.
“When John’s sister passed away, Michael and I came home for the funeral,” Debbie recalls. “After the funeral, John and I spent some time together talking.”
In October, John made a trip to Jefferson City.
“We stayed up all night and most of the next day,” John recalls. “We were finally able to talk about everything that 10 years before, we couldn’t discuss.”
The couple decided to give their relationship another chance, but agreed they would marry and not just move in together. On Nov. 17, 1984, a decade after their first marriage ended, John and Debbie exchanged vows for the second time.
“We were married in Bloomfield again, and Rev. Jimmy Trotter, who had performed our first ceremony, married us again,” Debbie relates. “Michael walked me down the aisle; although, this time we were not married in a church.”
Debbie says that, while at her first marriage she wore a traditional wedding dress (borrowed from a friend), at her second she was in blue jeans and boots.
“We were married at the Bloomfield Community Center,” Debbie recalls with a smile. “It was a wonderful day.”
Although the couple held high hopes for a joyful reunion, they both admit it was a struggle to resume their life together as a family.
“If we hadn’t been married,” John observes, “we probably would have called it quits within the first six months. I think it was the commitment that made us work through the problems.”
Following their marriage, the family moved several times, eventually arriving in Michigan. During those years, Debbie suffered several major health issues, including cancer in her throat.
“Following a regimen of radiation, we discovered that the cancer was still there,” John relates. “The only option was to remove her larynx.”
Debbie adds, “I couldn’t decide whether or not I was going to have the surgery. I was so scared. I asked the doctor what were my chances for a cure.
“He told me he couldn’t promise me a cure, but he said he could promise me it would kill me if I didn’t.”
Debbie had the surgery in December 2013, and in August 2014, John retired. The family returned to Bloomfield, where they purchased a house and acreage outside their hometown. The subsequent years have been spent renovating the home and property, enjoying time with family and old friends, and taking occasional camping trips. Michael lives independently in Bloomfield, but joins his parents several times a week for meals, and helps with chores around the house.
Today, they are a couple who obviously enjoy each other’s company and share a mutual fondness and respect for the life they have built together over the past 34 years.
In reflecting on their second time around, John laughingly observes, “I have found that our relationship goes much more smoothly when I give in first!” Debbie nods in agreement.
“I can honestly say,” John maintains with a smile, “that I am married to my best friend.”
“To me, friendship is the key,” Debbie asserts. “I realize now, that I really didn’t like John back then. I thought I loved him, but I did not like him as a person.”
She goes on to say, “Once we were able to really talk and communicate, then we became friends. The friendship grew into love.”
Though their life together took some unexpected turns, the happy couple agrees that it was worth the heartache and pain to arrive at the relationship they have today.
“Every year just gets better and better,” Debbie notes, as her husband smiles in agreement.